Top 10 Bloody Cute T-Shirts

There is something about taking cute images of animals and portraying them as Freddie Kruger apprentices that I like. Below is a list of the top ten violent and sometimes bloody animal t-shirts that I could find.

10. Jack the Rabbit from Glarkware

The name of this t-shirt is, of course, inspired by Jack the Ripper and there must be something about the timidity of rabbits that makes people want to place them in violent situations. You will see a few more rabbits on the list. I don’t think the artwork is that good on this tee but the concept is perfect for this list. “I love bathing in the blood of my departed enemies.” How cute!!

Cost: $20

9. Bloody Ninja Monkey at Cafepress

This t-shirt has a lot going for it and can reach out to a lot of people. On the one hand it has a cute little monkey, on and another it is a ninja and err. how many hands can I use. Anyway, there is also lots of blood. And blood is a very important factor in this list so luckily the artist didn’t let any of it go to waste. I mean this monkey is almost covered from head to toe. This is available at a Cafepress store called Ninja Monkeys are Everywhere! Let’s hope not.

Price: $16.99 (varies per t-shirt)

8. Enmity Gardens at Threadless

This t-shirt looks like a very quiet scene of two rivals (the tortoise and the hare) getting together for a nice chat and a glass of sherry and perhaps that is what is happening and they are just preparing for the worst. The tortoise is clasping a mace while the hare has a deadly axe (this is a recurring theme). This is a Threadless t-shirt by Brian Walline and as of writing there are only girls sizes left but you can always request a reprint. If you are looking for a girls size XL you are in luck as they are only $9 in the sale.

Price: $15 – $17  ($9 in current sale)

7. Bunny Business at Oddica

Another image of rabbit violence. And the worst is yet to come. I had a hard time choosing between this Bunny t-shirt and Monkey Business, an almost identical design but with monkeys, bananas and a water cooler. I chose the rabbits because you will never be able to look at them the same way again anyway. Stabbed to death with his own carrot. What a terrible way to go. Killed by the thing you love most.

Price: $10 (September Sale)

6. Don’t Play With Matches at Threadless

This is a very cool print that kind of reminds me of Yogi Bear. Perhaps this is what would happen if the likes of Yogi Bear was in charge of taking care of the park. After a psychotic break of course which would have come after years of leaving his carefree picnic basket stealing days behind him and focusing on his high powered career as a Park Ranger. Of course he’d be mad. Nice pants too. This shirt is available (sometimes) in long and short sleeves.

Price: $18 – $25

5. The Man That Shot My Paw at Cafepress

This is a classic revenge shirt. His paw has been shot and that is pretty serious even if you don’t even notice the pun. Blood has been shed and by the looks of it blood shall be shed once again. I mean that is one big gun and it can only serve one purpose in this story. On another day this puppy might be a cute lovable critter but today he is one mean son of a bitch (literally). Do you feel luck punk? Well do you?

Price: $15.99

4. Hobbe’s Revenge at T-Shirt Hell

I Have been a big fan of Calvin and Hobbes since I was in college and that is much longer ago than I’d like to admit. I have since discovered that there are no officially licensed Calvin and Hobbes t-shirts on sale but I think I would much prefer this one anyway. In fact I think that the image on this t-shirt is definitely something he could imagine happening. You just have to look at his snow art to see that he has a very vivid and vicious imagination. You might think that this is a sad way to go but you know, just disappearing from the scene never to be heard from again is also pretty sad and that is what happened in real life.

Price: $19

3. Cat Got Your Tongue at Threadless

Now this is one crazy psycho cat. It’s pretty gruesome and if you saw a person cut off his own tongue with a hack saw and run around waving it in the air you are likely to lose your dinner. Having a cartoon cat do it is just bearable. At the moment this t-shirt is only available in kids sizes but really, what sick mofo would buy this for his kid. It would surely give the kid some nightmares.

Price: $18

2. Chainsaw Killer Bunny from Assault Shirts

This is one of the most graphic killer bunny designs you can get on a shirt. How terrifying would it be to happen upon this scene, especially if you were a cartoon carrot. I mean, to see your kin lying decimated on the floor with the faceless perpetrator of this heinous crime standing over the body still holding the blood drenched murder weapon in his hands would make you would be too much to bear.

Price: $19.99

1. Mr. Choppy at Threadless

This is probably the scariest bunny rabbit t-shirt ever. At first glance you may not even notice the murderous intent in his cute liddle bunny wabbit eyes but then WHAM!! In the split second before the axe rips through your skull you see realize that your demise was orchestrated by the personification rabbitification of evil. The rabbit has nothing against you personally he just revels in his ability to satiate his own blood lust by cleaving skulls with this finely honed axe. Then it is over. No more t-shirts, no more life, no more anything. The no. 1 bloody cute t-shirt was designed by Threadless favorite, hogboy.

Price: $18